Twelfth Movement.


Nobody wants it !



The Roshi reads for the Universe.

His wrinkled fingers caress the sheet, following the fine lines.

His eyes are those of the eagle that perceives everything.

He pronounces each syllable aloud as if they were going to be the last which will pass his lips.


He has his two sons in his eyes.

He has Heidi in his heart.

He has still life and he gives it to the men and he does not know why. Except that he must do it.


The Voyage in the Death.


In the evening, in the Temple, after the evening practices, Padma comes down from his platform and comes to sit down next to me.

    - How are you, he asks me ?… I find that your Bam energy lacks tonicity.

    - I am worried about your protégé, I say.

    - The His Holiness ?… But it is your protégé ! he reacts at a quarter of a second!


He is not wrong. I came for this old friend of the Roshi and I am putting Padma in the sauce.

    - You’re right… It is me who work for him, I recognize.


He is ogling my tea. For more than a thousand years that he has no longer known the taste of it in the mouth, he is wondering if taking back a new body might not be completely idiotic… instead of remaining hung to his perch.

It is a difficulty of the Major Yam, the eternal question: to stay, not to stay… to return, not to return… to participate, not to participate.


When one is one of the components of a Universe, of a Space of Life, the question always turns in all the directions… Because if the Space is not going well because of one of the components, it is also the other one that takes the electric discharge. Then he cannot remain insensitive to his spouse’s disorder.


Because it is about a coupling in order to give a fruit that is this Space of Life that will radiate on itself, but also on the others.

Whether it is a small space that we will call a family; or a larger one that we can call a society ; or even a larger one that we can call a Civilization… or even larger one that we can call the whole Universe which bears the name of Creation, because from it All is created… the disorder of one has a repercussion on the other and in the end on the whole… which in the end will react on each one.

That makes that each one has an impact on the other and the whole… and that the disorder caused by one concerns all the others.

That is the energetic mechanics of this Universe and nobody and nothing can escape it.

    - Yes, you’re right, tells me Padma… I have been asking myself this question for centuries.

    - That’s why you continue to supervise them from the top of your perch… Although you have left nothing behind you… It is well you who told me the other day that you weren’t crazy enough to leave them something of you that they could have leant on to manipulate and use your Force and Power ?

    - It is well me ! … And you know it well… so why do you ask this question ?


He is brilliant the Padma ! A really and true Major Yam ! Direct to the Center of the target ! He, he does not waste the Time turning after the sentences and the words.

He, he knows that the Reality is expressed by the gap… not by the continuity. So he grasps what is not logical and he knows that it is there the bottom of the question that is on the table now, and he throws his arrow to the center.

    - You are right, I recognize… For you, it is done.

    - And you, you don’t know how to do, do you ?

    - Yes… I am in two minds.

   - Like me, he says… But I have finally made a decision and took back with me my only friend who is the effortless Right View.

    - I know.

    - But you, you do not know what to do, do you ?

    - Yes.


He lets his eyes enter the tea.

Then he asks me nicely :

    - You also want to leave ?

    - Yes… I believe that I will not have the choice, I say.

    - Why ?

    - Because they do not want it !

    - I know, he says… This is not new your discovery !


The silence of the Temple leaves us in a state of astonishing tranquility, full of vigilance. When the agitation of men ceased, this Silence is there and impregnates everything. A state that allows to make a zero point and be led by an Intelligence that is beyond the men.


Padma and me, we know this Intelligence well because it is ours. But it is always a contemplation when we feel it outside of us. At that moment, there is a coupling between our internal Force and the human space that is there, and we are even inclined to love the men. At these moments, we have the hope that something great and beautiful can be settled on the Earth of the Men.

Then that reinvigorates our enthusiasm which takes blow after blow in this Bam which does not want Us as partner, but only to use our Force to accomplish its own work according to its own intelligence.


It is Padma who is the oldest in these thoughts. Must be said that more than a thousand years on his perch, he must have seen loads of stupid things that one makes pass off as transcendantal truths.


So it is him who monopolizes the conversation again.

    - The difficulty is that one can have a perception of what We are only by the action and in the action… We are the Art of the Gesture that puts in vibration the Power that We are.

    - And without the « gesture », it is impossible to touch this Force of Life that we are, I finish for him.


He smiles with his Lenin-like moustache.

    - Yes… So, without the Gesture, We do not really exist for them.

Why add ?

We are between friends who have the same problem to solve: how to invite the matter which is Bam to activate itself according to our Intelligence and to leave aside its own which is of very inferior quality, but very well structured with its security benchmarks. And when our partner for the creation of this Universe uses its own intelligence to move the matter which It is, it really makes an incredible brothel in the Order of the Universe… And it is then another Universe that is created gradually and in which we do no longer have our place as a partner, but only as a provider of the initial impulse Force. 

    - But Bam does not know the importance of the Gesture… It is in the sensation, he says.

    - Which is normal, since Bam as matter is sensations, I continue.

    - And that without sensation, the Bam is dead, he resumes laughing.


We look at eack other smiling like two friends loving each other with a real sincerity.

    - So the loop is completed, as we say at home, I finish.

   - And we only must keep silent… or leave… he confirms… When one doesn’t love the Love, Love goes away !… It is an essential law of this Universe, that the men forget.

   - Let us say that they do not forget it… They are perfectly conscious that We need them to exist on the Earth and they make us have a rough time with promises of actions always postponed to the next day.

    - Yes… I also came to this conclusion… It is in full consciousness that they continue to practice the games of their own intelligence because they have the basic power.

    - Yes, that of the matter, recognizes Padma.


That is a monologue between us. We know the problem. Besides it is our suffering. But We cannot oblige the matter to function according to Our Intelligence. It is simply a choice of love !


In this reasoned and accumulating intelligence of Bam, there is a comfort and a security. Everyone manages to find a personal existence in this space of life. Even if Bam recognizes that it is a bit narrow, its life, it can still say « It is my home »… « I am at home »…

And to be « Nothing » with Us, does not encourage them to take the plunge.


However, when one has forgotten one’s personal claim to existence, and that one follows the Order of the Creation that We are with our innate Intelligence, there is an enormous sensation of love and well being that develops in the body and mind of the one who has acted according to the Order of the Universe.


    - But for this to happen, the man must « forget himself » as you say it so well, says Padma ironical.

    - But for him to forget himself, as I say it so well… he must touch the happiness of forgetting himself, I smile.

    - And that is possible only if he practices Our Gestures because we are only Action, he continues ironic.

    - It is indeed our weakness, I say.

    - I could say our greatness not to be able to oblige… It is a relation of love! he continues.


He leaves into a space time of a thousand years and he says :


    - You cannot know how much I have worked to make them feel this Greatness not to remain closed on their reflex impulses which are ordered by their accumulated memories…

    - Why have you lost ?

   - The action must be done for the fruit to spout ! he says in anger.

   - And when the combat is done in dialectic, it is a masturbation of the sensation organized by Bam and then the fruit of the action has not its place… I say.

    - And then, it is as if the action of the Direct View has no fruit, he says pained… I know !


He lets his wings of time rise for a moment and he asks:

    - But you… Why do you suppose it is the moment to leave ? … What have you tried ?


I also take time to come in my space and I say:


    - You, like many others, you have tried to put the Bam in a movement of action by pushing them through Teachings. It was then the time of the Faith and Belief.

    - Yes, I know… It was the most powerful Energy Force of my time, he says. 

   - So I have tried another operation. To use the opening of the memories so that the Bam knows by itself the modalities of workings of the Creation.

   - So that they follow this Teaching coming directly from them and not use the one coming from the others and the Traditions ?

    - Yes, I say.


He remained doubtful and he asked while massaging his goatee.

    - And they followed this teaching coming from themselves ?

    - No, I say.

    - Why ?

    - Because philosophy is more important to them than the simple action.

    - Even though they know that it is the action that saves, right ?

    - Good point, old man! I say.

   - So the sensation programmed in the memory in security is the strongest, isn't it ?... And they do not do the action !


He retakes the time and he says :

    - So nothing has changed !… More than a thousand years of gap, and we have come to the same point.

     - Yes, I say… At the same point.


It is me who take the time.


    - In fact, they practice the « life-saving gestures » if I take your words… But always too late, I say… Not in reflex.

   - Yes… I understand that… I have met the same behavior… They let the Yam vibration become exhausted and then they do… But the vibration is then Bam and it is it that is reinforced.

   - But they think that they have practiced Yam !

   - Normal, he laughs… Nothing new on the earth of the Men.


Still the time.


    - So, what do we do ? asked Padma.

    - I do not know anymore, I answer.


He looks at me mocking :

    - When a guy like you says that, it is that the gangrene has exhausted the bone, he laughs.

    - Well, you know what the gangrene is ?

   - I know to eavesdrop, he laughs… Since the time that I have been on my perch, how do you think that I use the time ?

    - You are sometimes funny, I say.

    - I must warm up my balls any way I can, because on the perch it is rather disgusting to see all this shit being done on my name…


I take him from his words and I throw while we were at it:

    - And by way of balls…How are things with the Rimpo’s daughter?


He laughs finely in his moustache and he says :

    - Not bad… She is a good nature and has an exceptional kidney stroke !


I accompany him in his laughter.

    - But how did you present the « thing » to her, I ask.

    - Oh ! … Like the simplest thing in the World, he smiles finely.

    - What does that mean ?


He is careful his effects and becomes so deadpan in his moustache that Lenin must no longer recognize himself.

    - I have asked her my problem and my need for assistance, he says quiet.


I can see him, with his little pointed goatee and his piercing eyes under his eyebrows frowned of permanent discontent, presenting himself in front of the chick used since her birth to say « yes » to any proposal with spiritual emanations… and as a spirit odor, the Padma, he is thick as two short planks !

So with the funny smile that characterizes me, I tell him:

      - So, you made her the mafiosic offer !


He frowns even more.


      - You mean « what » with your wry smile that looks like laughing at my face ?

    - Well !… From the top of your perch, you don’t know about this so particular proposal ?

    - What so « particular » about it ? he asks like the guy expecting a charge of lancers in his belly.

    - Oh ! … Only that it is impossible to refuse it, I say, quizzical.

    - And why that ! … Everyone is free !

    - No, my pal ! … And you know it well ! …

    - And why is that?


I take the time with me because the Padma plays a game that I do not like very much.


So I take the words that rise from my heart and make them turn around in my belly, just to give them power of action.

    - No freedom when one knows that if one refuses, one will go straight to hell, I say, deadpan.

    - And why is that?


I let him stew in his own juice again.


    - You are « her » reference, aren’t you, I say ?

    - Of course !

    - So draw the conclusion yourself, little wanker !


He is itching of the goatee, not happy to be put in his place like that.

Then I ram the point home.

    - And did you tell her that you get going without leaving anything behind you… And thus that the « reference » that she uses is a personal fabrication resulting from the Tradition in which she is ?


He is starting to understand where I want to come to and he is not very happy, nor very proud of himself.

    - I did not feel the need and found the interest to raise all this to her!

    - What a pretty bastard you are !… You know however what you were relying on when you made « the simplest proposal of the World » to her… So stop your bullshit !


He is looking at me on the sly.

    - You don’t agree with my way of proceeding ?… Yet, it goes to the essential, he says.

    - It goes to the essential for you… But it is her who is swindled.

    - And why is that ?

    - But she is waiting, as a reward, a result that you cannot give her !…

    - And why not ?

    - But you didn’t leave anything behind you !

    - Yes, but so what ?

    - So ?… You would have to create again a flux on this Earth of the Men on which she can lean and be nourished… You know it very well !


He roars in his moustache with pinched lips.

    - So for you, I am a big bastard ? he asks.

    - Yes, I confirm.


He still takes the time with him and he says:

    - How to do now ?


I laugh.

    - You are even more manipulative that I tought ! …

    - Ah, yes ? he says, sly.

   - But yes ! … You know well that « now », nothing can be repaired… and that we cannot return to the Truth because it would be a serious tear for her… And that it is better to remain on a lie than to destroy the faith she has in you.


He is not proud of himself, the Padma.

    - How I can do, then, according to you ?


I resume time.

    - Make her love the life, I answer.

    - I understand, he says… I understand…

 It is him who takes time with him.


    - I went directly to the result and I didn’t pay attention to the movement, didn’t I, he asks ?

    - Yes… You have not been a Yam in this trick… Just a Bam in search of his satisfaction.


The time is coming back for him.


    - I stayed too much on my perch, didn’t I ?

    - No… You are finding excuses, I block him.

    - What thus?


Then the time is coming back to me.

    - You want to leave your perch and you practice like a vulgar Bam in research of the fastest result, I say.

    - Thus I forgot that I am a Yam ?

    - You know well that the Yam does not exist ! I say, not happy with his ways of running away from the problem by the margin.

    - Yes, I know… Nobody is Yam… We are only Bam who can vibrate in Yam… and I have vibrated in Bam, didn’t I ?

     - Five out five, I say.


Then the time plays its game on its own.

Then the Padma asks:

    - How you, you would have practiced ?

    - I have an advantage over you, I say.

    - Which one ?

    - I have a Bam body.

    - So what ?

    - So ?… I know how Bam manipulates Bam.

    - And after ?

    - After ? … I make the zero point in the event.

    - What does that mean ?

    - I let the impulse rise, but I don’t jump on the obvious conclusion that will then fit into its space of evidence.

    - What does that mean ?

    - I let the impulse propel itself.

    - What does that mean ?

   - If the impulse comes from Yam, it will have such an energy charge that it will continue on its way and go to the goal.

     - And if it is not the case ?

    - So it is Bam that you have to push… because without « us » it will fall into the brook.


Padma remains silent on his cushion and looks at himself on his platform with all the gildings around.

    - You mean I have pushed ?

    - Yes… Because you were only interested by the result « for you ».

    - I understand.

   - I don’t think so !… You don’t have a body Bam and you cannot understand what’s going  on for Bam in their games of sensations.

    - What does that mean ?

    - You have not perceived all the game of emotions that made this young girl vibrate through your proposal… Being fucked by Guru Rimpoche !… She thinks she is already in the Paradise through you !

    - So what ?

   - So what ?… What a fall when she understands that she is all alone with her energetic body when yours will not carry her anymore !

    - And why it would stop carrying her ?

    - Because you have left nothing behind you ! … You have drawn a veil… Come on ! stop playing the idiot with me or I hit you straight and the guys who will come tomorrow to kiss your feet will not understand the origin of the blood that will fall on their head.


Not happy the Padma.

Neither am I!

How easy it is to drop one’s Dimension and go to brown the buttocks in the other !

And after these guys, they preach to others !


The night spread out its dark in the Temple just lit by the butter lamps.

Padma, not very happy with my remarks, returns to the subject.

    - So, you, what would you have done ?


I let him the time to mature the answer since it is still contained in the question.

He frowns even more in his thought, which makes his forehead really wrinkled. Must also be said that he presents himself like this, with his face not happy, for more than a thousand years and it is not tomorrow the day he will lose his wrinkles.

The words are hard to get out of his ankylosed throat. So, nice as you know me, I hold him by the tongue and I make the text for him, because to hold him by the balls, it is the Rimpo’s daughter who takes care of them.


    - I would have started by helping her not to have « arid meditation », I say.

    - What do you mean ?

    - What you have between the gullet… Only that !

    - You can say deeper ? He asks again.

   - You want me to do the text for you ?… Like that you are going to receive the confirmation of what is happening in you without wetting yourself to say it, aren’t you?  you fake chip ! I answer him.


My unhappy look accelerates his little shock on his pretention. So, since he does not want to be outdone of « understanding » he adds by himself :

    - You mean that I could have given her a little of my Dimension so that she would want to come a little more into it ?

    - Hey, asshole !… You want my hand on the face ? I say by accelerating my breath in my belly, just to show him that I am not far from hitting him direct.


He moves back a little by slipping the buttocks at the bottom of his cushion, just to take some distance and not to be too surprised when the blow will arrive in full mug.


Then, as he does not want to be outdone, he takes back the razor’s edge. He’d rather hold the machine than be cut !

    - You mean I should have given her joy ? he asks in confirmation of what he already knows.

    - Banco, asshole ! I confirm… To give her Joy and not one more obligation on the shoulders !… Hey, you don’t think she has already enough on her back as it is ? … To run after you while you took to your heels and that you leave only a smell without support ! … You don’t think she is exhausted enough like that « to practice » to draw your attention so that you come a little to give her a « very small » cuddle on the corner of the ear… just to make her feel by the body that you exist and that she is not all alone… Hey asshole !… You understand what I throw in your gums right now or you want my paw in add like confirmation ?


So, you have understood that I am not happy. I had to make a little noise in my discontent that I expressed sharply, because you know well that I never put myself in anger, since three qusetioning faces pass the door ajar and would like to understand what is happening « again » in the holy part of their Gompa in which we had already made a little mess one of these last nights.

They are Tibetans. They are very nice, but they are like the others : they do not like the unexplained phenomena and for the moment, the phenomenon, it is « me » who manages to do several voices at the same time as a super ventriloquist. I feel the moment when they will soon ask me a collective demonstration, just to cheer up and have a good laugh.

    - I understand what you’re expressing, he condescends to say.


But he’s not happy to say it. So I’m still pushing the nail again because we have to work deep together and I prefer to tell him straight that certain attitudes are irremediable cuts with me and that never I come back near these assholes because when one is an asshole, one is an asshole… and it is for a long time… There are not the old assholes of the snows of yesteryear and the young assholes of the last rain… There are quite simply the assholes!


    - You have behaved like one of these « Masters » who flood the World… One of those who always charge the other even more and pull him by the tip of the nose without ever pushing him from behind. Thus he has the deformed nose, and the nut also in the same stride, and as you know that the brain is in it, this one receives a curious blow !…. And it is then the precipitation to always run in the void in front of you, to lose the balance and break the kneecaps with the bleeding mouth … And the Master to laugh with his remonstrances… just to make him feel a little more guilty and to go even deeper into the emotional manipulation, I continue in the stride.


He prefers to observe the statuettes and Tankas of Him that flood the Temple.

But he is all ears cleared because he knows that his future is going to be played in the next few minutes and he does not want to remain on the side for another ten centuries.


So, for the moment he lets me empty my bag. Then he will choose his way to dance with it.

So, I continue in the space that is open in front of me, because intelligent as I know you, you already know that the Yam always opens the space; it is Bam that closes it.

    - You could have given him a little injection of You… eh ? …just to give… eh ! … and not always to take ! …

… And then in the same time, you could also have opened a few doors of her consciousness so that she could receive « finally » some answers to her requests that always remained arid… because she could not receive an answer… since she could not enter the dimension of the answer…, Hey, you know that, little bloke with the goatee of a guy who has set the modern World on fire ?… You could have opened your Dimension to her !


He confirms with a nod.

    - You behaved like a manipulative Bam waiting for the result you expected, didn’t you ?

    - I recognize it, he says from the end of his goatee… But the question still remains : what would you have done « you »  ?… You remaind too much vague. You know well that a Yam is a practical Intelligence.

    - Ok ! … Touched to the center of the target, I say.

    - So ? … I still remain on my questioning.


I settle more in the cushions. He relaxes.

So I attack directly at the plexus and he has trouble keeping his saliva in the mouth.

    - You are really a manipulative asshole !… A real Bam in your manner of doing !

    - Sorry ? … he has trouble swallowing.

   - Come on, little goatee Lenin like, you know well that there is no « Yam » answer to your question !… eh, you know that ?… There is only a « Bam » answer.


He continues to play the idiot and I have the hands which are charging in high voltage current that will soon illuminate his lights, at this guy.

He feels the imminent danger. So he hastens to give the answer:

    - I only wanted to test you… Since we have to work together !… Yes !… To know how fast you can connect the Intelligence Yam when we are in a Bam situation.

    - Ah, yes ! I say… with the arm that itches me to go and caress his teeth that he has not cleaned for more than a thousand years to the point that it frankly stinks in the room.


He takes a step back and prefers to let go of the ballast.

    - Of course that I know that one can only know « what to do » when one is in the event… otherwise it is always a Bam action that relies on the memory occupied by all the behavioral theories… I know that ! … Even if I have remained on my perch for a few kalpas, I am not sclerotic yet of the nut !

    - Glad to hear you say that !


He retakes a little of breath…

But I will have to tell him not to open the mouth too wide, because of the odor… So I will say a few words about it to the Rimpo’s daughter who can advise him some toothpaste of our time, a little more effective than the finger on the gums after having dipped it in their local alcohol.

    - I know well that it is only when one touches the event that the Yam knows what it must and can do… he continues.

    - And it is you who have touched the monkey, not me, I say a little fond funny.

    - Exact, it is me, he recognizes the pinched lips… But I would also like, since we are at the politenesses, that you stop calling her « monkey » because it is humiliating for me.

    - Eh, why ?… You are not a bull that shags in the cow ?

    - No !… I introduce myself in her, he says sententious…


He now takes the face of these priests who put the hand to your buttocks, ladies, and who look at the Cross at the same time to let believe that they are only with God, and that if their hand skids, it is simple muscular negligence.

And then if you say « But come on, Father ! », he will look at you contrite and sad and by putting the hand back in his pocket, he will throw between the gums « You don’t have much compassion for your neighbour, my daughter ! »

So, the Padma, by dint of staying in the same space, he has taken habits. He also takes the face of these priests and it itches me not to send him a sweet chestnut in full face, just to make him change of funny face.


   - Do not make the idiot, nice cretin !… She needs a blow of cannonball in the belly to awake it… So don’t make the stupid who touches with the fingertips and who waits for the results of an action with full hands, full mouth and full cock !…


He has trouble swallowing the air, the Padma… I must say that I prefer him to swallow it, rather than extract it, considering the odor.

    - You know what is the major problem of the guys nowadays with the chicks ?

    - No, he says.

   - They do no longer know to say to the chick « I long for you »… They turn everything into psychological theories… And the woman does no longer know that she is a monkey waiting for the bull, because in fact the gorilla is not yet long enough for her since, by dint of apeing the men, it becomes unadventurous like them and it does no longer know how to give its body without complex.


There, he is stunned the Great Guru !

    - So for you… What to do ? he articulates between his gums tumefied by the twisted trick that I have just sent to him.

    - So ? … I’m laughing… So ?… I enter her space… I know then how she vibrates… I plunge in the flaw… I surprise her, what !

     - You surprise her ?

     - Of course !… I surprise her !… I take her out of her reference marks all made up by her theories and I put her back in front of her deep desires.

     - Why ?

    - Eh! Guy of Yam !… You have forgotten that it takes a huge amount of energy to change the reference marks of the basic structure ?

    - Ok !… I understand your way of proceeding, he says shaking the goatee… You make leave the energy where it’s less expected and then you drive it.

    - No !… You are still too egghead! … I make explode the energy through the flaw that the monkey presents to me because it is at this « moment » that it is possible… Not before, not after !

    - Ok… I understand you better… You take her as a River of energy and you plunge in the current that is there, at this moment.

    - Of course, since that’s the only way to plunge deep !


He opens the eyes and forgets to caress his chin hair that are now falling by itself to his balls because he has forgotten to shave for a very long time.

    - So you take her like a matter in motion that shows the openness that is hers at that moment… A real Yam in action !… I now understand your anger against me…

   - Ok, I say… The important thing is that you understand something in this mess, I say, conciliatory.

    - The fact remains that I have behaved like a Bam with his memories and theories… Pure reflex of memory !

    - Yes, I say.


He massages his goatee which he has put back at its rightful place.


    - You mean in that, too, that the energy we produce together will be Bam and therefore go to this flux as final addressee.

    - Yes.

    - So that nothing will change for her…

    - Yes.

    - But it will only be for me a training of my testicles that have been immobile for centuries?

    - Exact, I say.

    - And ultimately, I use her without giving her anything in compensation ?

    - Yes.


He puts his chin back in front of me and looks at me in the eyes.

   - Now I understand your anger… and all the parallel indications that you just gave me.


I shrug my shoulders. Why say so much ?

    - So, what can I do to change the mechanism put into action ?… You have a Bam body… You can thus find me a way out.

     - Make her enjoy, I say.

    - Enjoy ?


I take a little time.

    - Tell her to find her pleasure everywhere… with the pleasure of having a body and being alive, I say.


His understanding is limited on the subject.

    - Can you give me more details ? he asks.


It is me who take the time with me and then it comes out like a blow cannon shot.

    - Push her to have pleasure of getting up in the morning, because she is alive… To go down the stairs quickly, because she is alive… The pleasure of struggling up the stairs because she is alive… The pleasure of having the rain on the face because she is alive… The pleasure of having the cold or the sun on the skin because she is alive…

… Make her be alive in all the actions of her everyday life… And encourage her with your Force that you communicate to her by penetrating her.

    - I understand, he says.


He is touched, the Guru.

It is him who concludes:

    - So, I give her life in Bam and she gives me Life in the Yam.

   - In the end, you are not too stupid ! I am being nice… may be that we will be able to team up together.