22. The woman
Heidi was the first to come… As the titmouse which are always the first at the station of nourhisment….She was striding along in the small garden and went up the steps of the veranda without hesitations. The young man showed her the cushion in front of him… He was leaning against the wood wall of the pavilion.
She became beautiful. She became woman. Her body became thinner. The look lost of its stiffness, of its fear, even some provocation. She carried the breasts like the women of the countryside, without fear of their state of woman.
She waited for the look of the young manto come back on her eyes. Then she asked:
- What can I do with my body for the Creation?
Angel smiles. He liked this direct manner. She felt warmed up by this smile and she lost a little the stiffness in her shoulders.
- It is well! …. you say “my” body… You imply yourself in the question. You do not flee in the general information… You can go very far with this direct impulse towards the center of “you”.
She did not understand very well… but she knew that he recognized her like “true”… Thus she was relaxed even more.
- You see, the female has a hole, the male a stick…
She jumped with such a raw introduction… The young man continued the movement of his words while following the vibrations of her so expressive face.
- The female of the man is called a “woman”.
She agreed. She found herself back in a known vocabulary.
- So the question that you ask, raises another question: are you a woman or a female? …. Here is the essential question which will make of you a slave of the earth or a girl of the Heaven… No, do not answer… Listen to my words… follow the song of my words…
She opened the mouth, lips slightly half-opened, because it was her manner of aspiring the air moved by the words left from the mouth of the men.
- You see, the woman can be the future of the man… like his precipice. All depends on her! …. only of her… What will she be? … A hole which aspires, absorbs, retains, eats… Or a hole which opens a door deep inside her and which gives access to the space of Gentleness… Gentleness is a Force of the universe and the ordinary man can touch it only through the belly of the woman. He has that in his memory and it is for that he can be attracted by the woman…
Heidi had the eyes wide open… For her, the words were new… But her heart recognizes their truth… She felt in her belly the base of these words thrown in the air and that she drank with her mouth…
All of a sudden her brother was in front of her, smiling… Also clear and healthy and vigorous as if never balls had crossed his body right through!
- You see… at a given time there is a separation between the man and the woman… a genetic separation…
She frowned… she did not know that.
- Useless to waste our time, “your” time, to go into these details and of the “why” of this transformation in the humankind… You are a girl of the countryside… You questioned me on “your” body… How “your” body can live its femininity for the Creation? … Then you should only know that there has been a genetic transformation, which is not so important in oneself, but that above all there has been a new genetic coding on the man and the woman… It is that which is important: coding! … because the coding will provoke reflexes which will be appreciated by the spirit and the body as “natural”… but which will be a slip in the Force to do oneself harm… And a nourishment for It!
- It is that the difference between a female and a woman? she asked.
The young man nodded in agreement.
- You understand quickly… you have the instincts of a healthy body… And the spirit not yet too perverted by the dreams ..... Then, you see… You cannot trust the instincts of your body without a preliminary validation.
- You want to say that my body can be my worst enemy… as you said it in the temple;
- It is that… your worst enemy… like your best friend! … All will depend on your lucidity in your reflexes… If you rush on it, like natural, obvious… you will plunge very low in the state of female… Also it is important to understand what it is that the state of female… what it is that this original genetic coding at the separation of the sexes.
- I start to understand… I have always felt this danger in my impulses towards the men… I felt something of dangerous… “They” said that I was prudish not to want to go with them… But it was not that: I felt something “wrong”… And always the face of my brother appeared: serious, a little anxious… I had the impression that he said to me “no”… Now I start to understand that I was not completely insane… Even if I do not understand a lot… and I have the feeling of it now, that I do not know a lot of thing…
The young man listened to her slow rhythm, of the woman who researches deep in her… who is not let dismount by the words of the others… She researches… These are these women who go far in the Creation because they do not run behind their sensations, emotions like the birds behind seeds that the destiny throw to them.
- You see,… the woman has a void in her. She has a hole. She feels that like a loss in her and she has the reflex, the concern, the preoccupation to fill this void, to fill this hole… Without this hole filled, she does not feel complete… It is this feeling of “non-complete” which is the consequence of the genetic coding of the separation…
The young White took again his breath in his heart to continue slowly. It is as if he was looking for the words deep in him.
- The genetic coding is: “you are not complete! ” ..... So, there is the fear in the belly of losing ones life, to miss the essence… and it is the race with the “fact to be complete”… Like a famished! … It is that the trap of this coding! : to push to this race to be full! …. A splendid energy handling because in this race, for this race, you must use the tools of the separation, the tools of the Force which has produced the separation… And it is thus it that you nourished by your movement… In this race you are only one female in the search of her male…
He let the wind come in the hair of the young woman. She listened with the attention of all her body.
- The trap is very deep because the research of the male is not only on the external circle of the life… but also on the internal circle …
- I do not understand, she acknowledges
The female does not only look for being filled by a male which is physically a “man”… She can also look for the coupling in a dimension that she will call “religious” or “spiritual”… You see, the trap is quite made up!
Heidi, shocked, misses some breathings… Then coughs lengthily.
- Shit! she says simply
But this “shit” vibrates strongly in the space and stirs up the shit of the ordinary life.
- You can understand thus that the “possession” is not only in the ordinary life… but also in the extraordinary life that some people call spirituality… Thus it is not easy to be a woman.
He still retained his breath and he continued slowly… Each word took his space.
- The female will want to fill her hole… she will have fear in her belly… She will be always “to want”… Never “enough”… Never happy, never satisfied… She will push the man to always give her more! …. even if it is a man in the “spiritual” dimension…
He stopped… He wanted to be sure that his words were going to run into the young woman.
- And into final she will keep everything for her… she will not give anything back…she will not offer herself as the space in which the man can blossom and « do his work » …do you understand ? he says gently
- I believe that I start to feel the movement of my belly in these words, she blows… You want to say that it is that the difference between the female and the true woman… “to offer herself like space of life?”
He breathed gently, as released of a weight… She understood! …. This small woman of the countryside understood! …. The joy burst in his heart. He did not take her in his arms because she would not have understood… He caressed her with his smile and she radiated under this caress.
- Yes, it is exactly that…
He separated each syllable of “ex-ac-tly”
- It is only a question of space… Only that.
- So, there are no rules to follow, if I follow you well?
- Ex-ac-tly… There is not any rule… You use “all” what you are! …
She concentrated. A titmouse had time to come to examine this curious couple which spoke in the light which still passed over the crests.
- Tell me that differently, please, Ange… I want to be sure that the joy that I have in my belly with my heart in explosion is not imaginary!
He let the bird coming back because it had flown away when she spoke…
- Make you fill the hole that you have between the thighs! … And always make space in your heart and your belly… All will be done then automatically… because the relation of the true woman with the Creation is in each cell of your body… It suffices to open the space! … Nothing to retain for you.
- But the man! …. any man? she suffocated.
- No… it is your heart and your body which says to you what the man really wants… and they will be closed if he only wants to possess you… But everything will open if he respects this hole that you have because he feels in him that there is a door at the bottom which opens on the beauty of the Creation…
The young woman contemplated that…
- But, how to do… here!
- Ask Tong! …. he has the capacity to be a true man.
He burst of laughing in front of the open mouth of Heidi…
His laughter continued in the silence of the night which came… long after the young woman was swallowed by the darkness.
Angel remained with the night, the cover on the shoulders… He followed the breathing of the place… He followed its movement… He has to understand the movement of this monastery because his body told him the proximity of the danger… a force which wanted to roll him up, to immobilize him and oblige him to give what he does not want to give.
His body knew that… It was necessary now that his spirit can decode this reality. He has thus to follow the movement of the place because only the movement has in it the reality of the intention.
Then he breathes the monastery, all the night, by each fiber of his body.
At the small day, the clarity of his spirit revealed to him a part of the reality of the place. Only a part because he felt that there was still “facts” even deeper that looking for being dissimulated under the layer of the memories.
This night his body had followed step by step the most obvious intention which developed now in this place.
He came across the Master… with the heavier vibration of Hiro. But Hiro is not important. He follows the Master. It is this latter which is the decision maker and the actor.
- the bastard, he whispered to the wind which rose with the gleam which wanted to pass the crest of the mountains and to touch the valley.
Thus he wanted to push him to give his Life to the monastery so that they can eat his Force! … Then that wants to say that he loves more the men than the Force of life! ….
- He hides well his play, this bastard!
Because the question of the choice never arises when one is in love with this Force… of the Origin of the Creation. There is no doubt. There is no uncertainty. The only reality is this Love and this Love does not have conditions, does not have adjustment, does not have interrogation.
The only interrogation of this Force is only: “how I will do that?”
It is an interrogation on the means to use… not on the foundation of the choice!
Also when there is choice, there is automatically the love on the side of the men… The love of the men in priority is already to have lost the relationship to this Force because if the Love is not liked, the Love goes away! …. It is a great lie said to the men to make them believe that the Heaven is always there and that the earth can use it as it wants, when it wants… and to thank it as it wants it!
- Then, it is for that he needs me! …. He is cut of this Force! …. He has just a comprehension through the informational exchanges by the means of the meditation and of the visions… But he is not carrier of this Force!
So that wants to say that he has not follow this Force when he was in contact with It… physically in contact… That wants to say that he has looked for “arranging” this Power for the only wellbeing of the men because he was worried more about the men than about this Force of life…
He has understood too late that this Force of life is a wind and if one does not seize It at the moment, it is as the perfume of the woman who remains in the air but the woman is already far.
But in fact, has he “understood” or only observed that only the force of his own energies lived in his body? … but not this Force. Because if it is not this Force which makes vibrate the cells of the body, it is only the radiation of the vulgar body, the one that one has with the birth when one arrives in the universe of the man and one remains only by his own energies.
- To want to handle me… me! ….
He burst of a thundering laughter which awakes the mountains in front of him…
Thus my body knew already! …. thank you my body! … when I have thrown Heidi in this way of her femininity… What a brothel that I have prepared for her! … But at least, she will become alive! … A true alive woman! …. Not these monastic products which tighten the buttocks so much that a grain of rice would not pass there! …
He smiles, happy, with the free future of the young woman. She had honesty with her. She deserved the truth and the freedom of her breathings.
He gently remained sitting with the light which gained the valley…
- You will see the brothel which I will put to you! …. the Freedom that I will make exploded in this place of shit, of liars and of robbers!!!!! …. Te! … a challenge for me! …. Come on! since you open the ball, I will provide you the music!
His laughter bursts from the bottom of his entrails and awakes the monastery.
But deep in him, he knows that an obscure point remains well hidden. He has the feeling that it is in connection with this curious place which acts on him and pushes him “to say words”… And that is not a “chaining” like the Master would like it … It is further than that. It is deeper than that… It is heavier than that… because there is an enormous suffering inside his body … and also a dissatisfaction which pushes him “to say”.
“As if I were pushed to repeat… something! … what? ”
And why this place speaks so strongly to his body? … and why this old man attracts him so much and that he would like to often take him in his arms and to strongly tighten him on his body? …. without reason!
- “Whereas it is a true bastard! …. One of these Masters manipulator of the Men… One of those which make gleam the Light but which offers only darkness… One of those which live on the pain of the others and their dreams.”
He lay on the wood of the veranda and left the gleam which appeared over the crests to take possession of his painful flesh.
“That I would be attentive and the truth will come to my conscience! ”
He closed the eyes on the future of the world and of himself.