24. The man
Tong arrived at the small day.
He knew the young White was up early, sitting opposite the mountains, following the growing glow which wanted to go over the crests.
He came slowly, as somebody of very careful who does not want to disturb the air around him.
Angel looked at him coming. ….“His body is destabilized”! …. He felt a sorrow in his chest. He knew this kind of uncertainty which ruins the stability of the body. It is when the confidence that one had in somebody or something is tackled and that one discovers that all that is relative… That this support is not absolute.
“But it is necessary to go through there for growing”, he muttered to the wind… But at the same time he was cross with the Universe of always having to go through the suffering to evolve in the movement of his Liberation…
“But liberation of what! ”, he still muttered while the monk climbed the steps. He looked at his feet, as if he did not want to disturb the wood with his large feet… As if he asked for its forgiveness to lean on it to support his weight which seemed to him a ton on his shoulders.
- I need help, he says simply standing in front of the young man.
That was not the habit of Asia. It always took detours. But it is true that on the edge of the precipice he had already said: “I need you”… So perhaps another force lived in him the one of people of his race of man…
“A curious boy!” Ange tells himself while examining him quietly.
“Day without bread” was submitted to this observation. He did not do anything to withdraw himself from it. He did not do anything to modify his position. However he knew his weight badly balanced on his legs. He knew his center of the belly too high because too worried by his heart which was beating wildly. But he did not try to mask his imperfections. He let the young White make his judgment. He is not afraid of the result because he knows him imperfect, almost completely useless… lost! He has just one desire: to sit down and cry. He would not have any shame to do it in front of this young White. He does not know why, him who always hides his emotions! …. But now he is not afraid…
He jumps under the vibration of his own words in him. … “now! ”… He understands in his body that it is only “now” that he has no more fear! …. All his courage comes back suddenly… “now! ”… The intelligence of his body tells him that it is “now”, only that he is no more afraid! …. in front of this White because he is “under his protection”… Yes, it is in the space of this man who protects him. Now he becomes aware of it. He was always afraid! …. of the look of the others… to be imperfect… He has always wanted to show the best of him! …. and now, in front of this young body which looks at him, he feels free and light and he understands that it is not him, Tong, which has created this freedom of his breath, but it is him, this young White, which has welcomed him in his space.
“By all the Kamis! … that this space is enormous!” he lets escape in his heart.
- yes, you perceive well, my friend… this space is enormous! whispers Angel by a soft movement of the lips.
Tong jumps. He is sure that no sound left his mouth, did not cross the barrier of his lips.
The young White continues… the jump of the Asian is clear… But why deepen that? … How many people lose their life in this research of the comprehension of the “para-normal” powers… As if these powers could do something for them… to bring them serenity, richness of the heart but also the one of the purse….
- do not waste your time with that, my friend, he says gently… Tell me only why and for whom you need help.
Tong bends the knees in front of this look of benevolence. His heart suffocates in front of the generosity that he feels there… A generosity for him, Tong… Not a generosity for something else! ….
It is the first time of his existence that he is in front of such a phenomenon! …. His legs do not support him anymore, his knees touch the floor and his buttocks come to rest close on his heels.
- Take a cushion! ..... comfort first!
His eyes laughed.
“Comfort first”! …. Never “Day without bread” had heard these words in the tenderness of his heart… Never!... He had always heard each one and all the Masters to say: “effort… effort… and effort again…”
- Do not pay too much attention to what I say, my friend… you know… I am a little mad! … I always put the plow in front of oxen with the hope which they will become bulls…
The Asian length remained the open mouth!:
- careful with the flies, howls Ange…
And he burst of a thundering laughter which stirred up his entrails so strongly that he had to hold his belly.
Tong looked at him speechless… Then this laughter also gained his belly and he could not prevent the vibration from taking possession of his body anymore … And he was hurt to laugh so much! The floor of the veranda trembled under the impulse of the two jumping bodies…
Some monks rose to put the head over the top of the low wall of the small garden. They did not understand this laughter in this place of silence and peace!
- Tell me, Long day without bread… What kind of help do you want? asks the young man gently.
- I do not know, acknowledged Tong…
He had come with a question relating to Heidi. She had asked him “to fill her”. Then he simply said “I need help”. He knew at this time that his question opened on another broader dimension. Then he has let come the young White because it is him which will decide between the spaces between him, Heidi and even all that turns around him. He has confidence.
- I came initially for Heidi, he says… To fill her.
Angel looked at him smiling. Then gently he says:
- What do you want to fill… her? … or you?
Tong closed the eyes on his distress. He felt his lie. It was him which needed help! …. Sure! … And he took Heidi like origin for his step!
- I do not know anything anymore here, he acknowledges … All is moving and nothing anymore is sure… I do not know anymore what my steps are in this monastery… I do not know even anymore what I do there!
- Thus it is you who needs to be filled… says gently the young White… But the woman is the future of the man… So you need both of you, he continues.
Tong lifted the head.
- “Both of you”… it is you and you… You understand continued the young White.
The monk made “no” with the head.
- You are woman as much as man… Just a small physiological difference! …. But your energy body is man as much as woman and you as a man you need the breathing on your side woman to feel you alive… Thus it is you which must fill you…
Tong continued to oscillate the head in negation. He did not understand… But he felt these words true in his belly.
- What you call “Illumination” is a female state said Ange… All that is filled and all that receives are the female part of the Being….It is the earth which is let penetrated by the Heaven.
The monk moved the head gently… As the cow which starts to understand what one wants of it.
- That speaks to me, he says.
- Then goes beyond “what speaks to you” and gains more deeply the secrecy of your heart… Do not seek to understand with your brain… Go in your movement and do not look after anything else… Thus you will feel that there is a part of you who likes to receive… and a part which likes to give.
- Yes, I feel that says the monk.
- Then goes even further… Enter the part which likes to receive… And you will notice that it is it which gives space to “what likes to give”… It is it which determines and directs the action of “what likes to give”… Do you feel that?
Tong remained a long moment with himself.
- Yes, I feel that… And it is very new! …. I did not receive any instruction on this subject… I have to always give… Everything… and even more than everything!
- It is not false, says Ange… But it is still another Dimension in which it is very dangerous to go because it is copied by the Force to do oneself harm to handle the best of the man… Thus now… Now! do you understand? …. In this “relative” of now, you have to nourish you, to fill you. Your side “woman” must be exploded in the joy of existing… Quite simply to be a happy woman to be a woman! do you understand?
Tong thinks for a long while.
- My body vibrates with your words… I feel it to be agitated… As one is when one awakes… I feel it to become alive… and there is joy is in it, not only in my heart… But apart from my body, I do not understand anything! He continued to acknowledge.
- If I wanted to follow your tradition, the one which exists in this monastery, I would ask you: “who is “I”? …. put it on the table that we examine it…”
The monk smiles. That he understood. He was on familiar ground.
- But I will not remain on this Dimension, continued Ange with a smile on his lips… It would be too easy for you! …. You know well that the “I” is your spirit filled of your references which appreciate everything and catalog what is good and what is evil…
Angel widens his smile while leaning towards the long monk.
- But this knowledge of “I” does not prevent it from continuing to play its own game… And you stay always so idiot! … You are as these animals which turn in round in the same enclosure because they know the limits of them… But which do not manage to go over these limits! …. even if they want it! … and do you know why?
Tong shook the head in negation.
- Because the one who decides to remain in the enclosure is the same one as the one who would like to go out of it… It is the same one “I”… you understand.
- Is this what you said in the temple, that the one who decides to go in religion is the same one who decides to go to the brothel, he asked?
Angel looked at him with tenderness.
- I do not remember to have said “in religion”… But something like “monastery”… At least, I believe, he says… Because I do not trust my memory which is entirely relative… But your word of “religion” testifies to the work which is done in you under the pressure of my words… Thus it is well! …. Perhaps I have not entirely wasted my time in this “monologue” in front of you…
Tong concentrated on his memories.
- I had retained this word, said Tong… But why do you say that you do not have any memory?
- Because the words and the actions result from a space which directs and induces everything… Then there is nothing absolute… All is in relativity of the space which pushes and pulls…
Tong bent gently towards the young White… as if he wanted to touch him… Almost to caress him.
- I understand that… now…… he says… But why only “now”?
- Because you are in my space… and that I filled you! … throws Angel in a great laughter… It is Me “now” the Man!
The monk remained speechless, shocked.
- Do you understand what wants to say “to be filled” and “to fill”? … Did I answer your first question?
- I do not understand anything anymore… but my body feels on familiar ground! … breathes the monk
- Then remains with the body and do not make shit with your intellect… because your intellect is only the intelligence of the space which is in you…
He remained one moment with the fresh air of the small hour.
- Thus are you ready to go now deep in the Being and to look at gently as he can be “filled”, what means the same thing that to ask for “help”.
- I am ready, says slowly the monk. He had opened widely the mouth to let these sounds going out of the depth of his belly and he felt his heart to beat.
Angel leant against the wood wall. He liked this matter. It came from the life of a tree which was continued in the body of those who know how to touch.
- Thus it is very simple. The woman is the future of the man because it is in her, in her belly, that the man can touch the Gentleness… This matter! …. no the sensation! … Thus you must enter the belly of the woman and fill it! … Without that the magic of the universe cannot function.
The monk was the ears wide open.
-It is in your belly that you must go! …. Not the one of the woman! …. You must discover in you the pleasure of being the woman… So it is not a question to put your stick in the hole between the two thighs of a female!
-But Heidi ? asked the long monk …. What means “to fill her”?
- It is very simple, smiles Ange… You fill nothing and everything will be filled all alone!
- I do not understand…
- Very simple… You look at her… You recognize her as a woman who can learn you how to discover your side woman… The look of man that you will carry on her will radiate on you… She will be filled with this look, this attention… and the third energy law will function … Thus you will start to mix you.
- It is of that about which you spoke in the temple: the penetration by interest.
- It is that… The worst for a woman is to not be looked at and not taken… She then has the feeling that she is useless and empty… Then look at Heidi, and take what she gives you in return.
- Only that! …. the monk was astonished.
- It is enormous! …. She will be full with you and in return will give you her warm heart of woman … Take the heart deep in you and enjoys it… It will be your nourishment to discover the happiness to receive and to give… Thus you will be able to become a True man by helping a woman to be a True woman…
- Apart from that you will be only one dog which runs behind a female!
There was nothing anymore to say. Everything was clear. The young White pronounced the end of the meeting.
All entered in him the long monk forgot to bow before pushing on his thighs and raising. He realized that when his feet walked on the ground at the foot of the veranda. He turned over abruptly, the body filled with culpability and he threw his step to go up the steps and to bow.
Angel stopped him with a sound splitting the air as the saber:
- No! … continue your walk… it is well thus! … stop thus to worry you about the appearances! … let this Force of Life guide your body and forgets all what you have learned!
Tong joined the hands in front of his heart in thanks.
The young White took his cushion and threw it to him violently to the face:
- not yet away for your life! … run stupid bastard! … or you will not be enough fast to catch the wind!
He burst of laughing when the long monk, taken in the breath of the young White, made a jump over the low wall of the small garden to pass directly in the courtyard of the monks.
The laughter caught Tong which howls of pleasure while being received on the hands. Happiness was in his body and he did not know why… But it was there!
He felt like a lion of the mountains and his eyes flashed.
Several monks looked at him speechless… They had never seen or heard such a hugeness in this holy place! … To jump over the low wall of one of the two pavilions reserved for the Masters!
They fled while running to warn Hiro.
Tong followed them with his bright laughter.