45. The unexpected aid
- I need your assistance, Master.
-I know, says the Roshi.
By these words Heidi felt again captured. She lost the consistency of her matter. She became fluid between the hands of the Master; she lost the Force which supports her… By: « I know » the Master put her back in his own Universe; he cut her from her own universe.
She perceived it instantaneously in her body, but she did not oppose to it, did not do anything against. She wanted to check and feel again how the Master captured her and played with her.
- I know, repeated the old man gently… and you cannot do anything to be opposed to it.
- To what ? she heard herself to answer in a reflex which was not hers.
- To this loss of « you ».
- Thus, you know!
- Yes, I know.
She had come in the small hour. The mist raised its veil with the slowness of the heavy mist because the wind had ceased.
She had climbed, with the slowness of the mist, the wood steps of the pavilion of the Master. The two steps to cross the veranda seemed to her like a chasm to span. The desire for turning tail and for fleeing seized her belly; but she says « no » with her heart. Then her legs were strengthened and they carried her body against the wood door. She knocked. She heard the deep, calm, tranquil, voice of the Master without interrogation, without impatience: « I was waiting for you… Come in! Young Lioness of the Mountain of the North. »
She received these words like a shock in her chest. These sounds reached her through the thick wood of the door but it is like a presence directly in contact with her skin!
But the words of the Master are good for her and she feels it. They give her the respect of her ardor and her passion.
Then she pushes the swing door.
The Master is sitting in his room on his seat against the Northern wall, his place of meditation when he is not in the Temple to direct the monks and to support them by his presence.
It is an honor to be received by him in this position of the sitting Buddha. Heidi was comforted and she entered without fear.
She took place on the cushion opposite the Master. This cushion is on a small platform with four steps. It is a great delicacy of the Master to receive his private guests thus. They are on the same level as him!
There is thus no authority in the relationship between the two beings; only one communication from a friend with another friend which will try to speak the same language and to understand each other.
They will try to enter the same Dimension and to discuss in this space which carries its own intelligence.
It is thus with confidence and the serene heart, without fear that she says:
- I need your assistance, Master.
And here it is! … He answered « I know » and all is destroyed !
- But why? … By all the Kamis of the Great Mountain!
- It is because of your energetic structure, says the Roshi.
- But how do you know, Master, that I came to question you on this subject?
- Because I am the « Master », answered the old man with his soft voice.
- I do not understand, she recognized.
- How do you believe, my daughter of the mountains, that I do not know all what is in this monastery.
- I still do not understand, she says.
He sought his answer so that it can be understood by the young woman.
- This place, this monastery, is mine.
- That I understand it, she says.
- Then you also understand that it is my « energetic body ».
- Yes, that I can feel it in my body.
- Your answer is good, girl of the mountains… « in your body! »… Then I ask you a question: are you able to feel what occurs in « your body? »
- Yes, I am very sensitive to that and your son helped me a lot to be intimate with it.
- Well it is the same thing with me… but it is about my energetic body!
- That you feel as well as your physical body? the young girl was astonished.
- Still better than my physical body, says the Master.
- Because my energetic body has more sensitivity than my physical body… It is also broader.
- Broader? asked Heidi.
- Yes, the energetic body is more developed than the physical body and it opens a broader range in the sensations but also in the Knowledge of the working of the Universe.
Heidi let her eyelids going down on her cheeks. She needed to return in the silence of her heart. The eyes of the Master were on her. They scanned each fiber of her body. She let him do. She could not be opposed to it. She felt in each one of her fibers that he was coming in her increasingly deeper.
She knew that from the first second that she looked at this scruffy old man in the street of her village!
She had wanted to put him out of her house!
She had wanted to drive him out because he entered her heart!
She did not want a robber who took the memory of her brother to her!
But she had ceased fighting against herself because she had felt at the same time the Gentleness to enter her and to alleviate her suffering of non-existence.
She had started to live with this old man! He had made her going out of her morbid dream. He had given her a mission which she liked passionately: to care about « his son ». He had guided her in the gentleness of the life with herself. He had taught her the art to enter in intimacy with her and to follow her movement, breathing after breathing… to discover herself according to her own rhythm! He had never imposed anything to her. He had always continued to love her with the same regularity. He had let her to take possession of the pavilion of his son when he disappeared from the Universe of the Men. He lets her her time. He does not ask her anything, except being in this pavilion and maintaining the hearth; that his son is hot when he returns. He lets her with the mission of awaiting him and does not press her in nothing. He leaves her the space of her speech to the monks who come rather to listen to her in the small garden of her pavilion than to precipitate to the Temple for the meditations directed by Hiro; because the Master is always suffering and remains in his bedroom. She knows that the old man protects her from Hiro, like he also does it with Tong which supplements the information of combat given by Hiro according to the teachings of the son of the Master, « her » Angel…
That, she knows it!
Then why this war between them now?
- It is a question of Dimension, says gently the old man.
He read in her body and her heart as in an open book!
- I am the « Master » here… and « nothing » can escape my look because « everything » occurs in my energetic body, he continued gently.
- I begin to understand which is the place of the Master, she says with the slowness of the mist which rises without the wind which pushes it.
She felt a truth to pushing her. But it is so slow!
- Lets come gently, my daughter, says the Master.
- I believe that I begin to understand your Pain, Master.
- I believe too, he answered in the peace of the space which became increasingly dense around them.
- I would not like your place, Master!
- You could not support it, he smiles… You are still a child who looks for discovering her weaknesses and to make them burst.
- Yes, I discover that I am a very privileged child to be thus in front of you, Master.
- Because you are the one preferred of my son, he says continuing his a little ironic smile.
- What does that mean, she was astonished?
The Roshi closed the eyes and spent one moment in silence. He asked for help to « his » son who has gone on the other side of the Universe and he does not know if he will return. In the secrecy of his heart, he does not have any certainty of his return. On the contrary, it is a constant pain which stabs him between the scapulas, in the energetic center of the rear heart.
But this young woman of the mountain has eaten him. She has devoured him! He is now in her! It is this nourishment which gives her this new intelligence.
« Then, how to help this young lioness of the mountains of the north to be accomplished ? … It is her realization which will make return my son because she will then need him to leave this Universe completely… and to stop with the constant movement of Creation like an endless old story ».
- That wants to say that I must help you to join my son.
- But then why this war?
- Because the Dimension of my son is not the one of this monastery.
- But, isn't it the same thing?
- No, it is not the same Dimension.
-It is a question of preference.
- You want to say « of intensity of Love »?
- I notice that you can employ the words of my son, he smiles… I like to hear you speaking thus… I then have the vision of « him » in front of me and that heats the body of the cold old man who I am.
… But I must add that he would not have structured the sentence in the same way.
- What means ?
- He would have said « intensity in his choice of love », shelled the Master between his hardly half-opened lips.
Heidi spent some time in silence. He left her her time. He felt knowledge in matter to be spread in her body. She left the too narrow dimension of the spirit.
- You want to say, Master, that the choices of this monastery are not the choices of your son?
She continued her words which pushed in her throat without opening her look which remained in her body like her Angel had taught her.
- You also want to say that my words are controlled by a Dimension which is not the one of « your » son?
- Whereas I believe to love him!
- Yes… But you love him!
- Then what do I do with « my own words »? She howls in front of the appalling discovery which grows in her body and starts to block her throat.
- You diminished « my » son.
- Then I decrease his Force in me?
- But why? … I love him so much!
- Because of your energetic structure.
- Shit! …. Now I understand!
- But to understand is not sufficient.
- My body must follow, is not it?
- But why your son has never spoken to me about this restrictive structure in me?
- Because, with him, it is not necessary.
- I do not understand.
- He is the Force from another Dimension which does not permit the personal structure to take the command of the daily life.
- You want to say that he controls this structure?
- No, he does not need to control it… It does not have space to move, quite simply.
- You want to say that his Force blocks the personal structure.
- No, he does not block it. It would be then a war in the body which would use too much energy…
- Then? Heidi cut him in her impatience.
- He occupies simply all the space and there is no place for another thing to be spread… Such the Force and the Power of my son is ! he says with pride on his wrinkled face.
Time slipped its slow rhythm like the heavy mist without wind. They needed both to take again their breath which stirred up the depth of their fibers and their memory.
- Then it suffices to let ourself be guided? … Heidi started again.
- Not exactly, the old man smiles… That would not be « his words ».
- What would he say?
- He would say: « It suffices to forget ourself ».
- Shit! … I start to understand!
- I also believe, says the Roshi by shelling a small laughter.
She took again her breath.
- Then, this energetic structure that we have in the body is restrictive… because it brings back « everything » to itself and to the obviousness of its space, she says by dissecting each one of the syllables which took their place in the dense silence around them.
He agreed but her comprehension was not deep enough.
- When you speak about « obviousness » it is still the intelligence of this structure which recovers your energy in its logic… Thus you still stay with it and it is nourished by your effort to understand it.
- Thus it is reinforced always a little more!
- Yes,… and it believes to become very strong and very imaginative to defend itself thus.
She recorded the words which made their way.
- Then ?
- Then ? … Look differently at the working of your body and your spirit.
- How ?
-Do not speak of « obviousness », but of « sensation »… Ask the true problem and it will be highlighted by itself.
Heat came in her body and she knew that she was on the right way.
- You want to say that my physical body has a pleasure to be submitted to the structure of my energetic body?
- It is that.
- It is what is called « to enjoy the obviousness in its obvious space »?
She took again her slow rhythm.
- Angel often repeated it to me but I had not understood the width of that.
- Because, with him, you do not need to enter in this knowledge which is very restrictive if you stay inside in observation of yourself and of your cerebral working.
She remained questioning.
- Then where is the problem? … And how to do?
- It is where the difficulty is, says the Master very seriously, the body right against the wood wall.
- It is that without « Him », we do not have a great chance to touch this Dimension which does not leave space of working to our personal structure.
- I understand, she says… All is difficult since his departure.
- But the question is even broader and deeper than that!
- Even if we can touch this Dimension, without « Him » it will be almost impossible that it is spread in the body and makes it vibrate in this other Dimension.
- Then that will it occur?
- The person who would be able to touch and to feel this dimension that He shows and carries, will believe that she has the knowledge and the powers of this Dimension… whereas she remains with the obviousness of the sensations of her personal energetic structure…
They needed the silence of the mountain to let penetrate the words.
- And then?
- Then? … She will reinforce the pride of her energetic structure and will believe herself very « high » because she will have a possibility of knowledge and of action higher than the others… who will be enthralled by her « powers ».
- You want to say that the intelligence of this personal energetic structure will take for it the information coming from the Dimension of your son as food and will reinforce its power to alienate even more this person?
- Yes, it is that… You understand quickly.
- But how is it possible? … I have done the experiment with your son that when this Force runs in you, all the body and the spirit are changed !
- Yes, with my son, it is thus because it is the Force which runs.
- You want to say that it is not the case « when we touch »?
He was looking for an example to help here to understand.
- Yes, it is that… It is like Shiatsu, this method of Japanese acupressure.
- Yes, I know.
- The one who practices with his inches this technique on another body, feels this body, understands its difficulties and its dashes.
- Yes, I know that… I felt it in me because it is a popular technique of care in my village.
- This person will be able to speak with the other about « his » problems…
- Yes, I know that.
- He will even have a knowledge of the other sometimes higher than what the other knows of himself.
- Yes, I know that.
- But he will not be « the other »! said the Master into final and detaching the syllables.
- Shit! … I understand!
He shook the head.
- Yes, you understand… To touch this Dimension does not want to say that one « is » this Dimension.
- Shit! … What a swindle of those who « touch! »
- But they feel strong with this knowledge and wreak havoc in all the environments called « spiritual ».
- But they are convinced to be right!
- Of course! …. All is recovered in the comfort of the obviousness of their basic energetic structure!
She settle down.
- Then the loop is closed… and the basic structure recovers the infos of this Dimension and manages them in its own space.
- You understand quickly, my daughter of the mountains… You make me an immense pleasure to be in front of me, here and now… and to be able to enter these secrecies of the Creation…
She remains speechless.
- you want to say that you are alone, Master?
- Yes, I am alone, he says gently.
- But Hiro?
- Hiro will never be able to enter this Intelligence which we deploy together, here, now.
- But you love him !
- Yes, I love him.
She breathed in the bottom of her belly.
- I understand the pain now that I often feel in your body when I think of you!
- You are sensitive, my daughter.
- Then, what can I do for you?
- To succeed… my child of the Mountain of the North.
- I will succeed!
- I know that you want it… I know your passion… I know your courage… I know your nobility… I know about you more than you you know.
- Then, I will succeed!
He smiles, a little sad, and he says facing her.
- Perhaps not… Perhaps not… Because this energetic structure that we carry in us is of a not easily controllable power and subtlety…
- You want to say that we can lose the combat.
- Because it submits under cover of the sensations.
- Without sensations you are dead… The body is sensations! … Here is a great secrecy of the Creation.
She remained a few breathings alone.
- You want to say that we are handled by our sensations… and that without sensations we are dead?
Then he kept silent… His look went beyond the crests.
- Then? … Only « another » intelligence can direct the movement of the body and lead it to live differently.
She believed to have understood and taking again words of her Angel.
- To relativize our sensations ?
- No, there is no « relative »!
She did not understand. That went in a direction which she did not know.
- Sensation is an absolute. It is a sensation! … It has its intelligence, its impulse, its power, its dash to do… It carries the energy of the body and of the Creation in it…
That she understood it. But the sense of the intervention of the Master did not come to her.
- Then? … It is necessary to know to live in double.
- In double ?
- Yes, you are there and you are not there.
She was again in known field and her breathing was released.
- Angel spoke to me about that!
- But with him you did not perceive the importance of that… because his Force carries you and you cannot see the danger which is around.
Then she had her answer and she felt it in her body.
- I understand now! … He did not speak to me about my structure because if I remained with him I am in security…
- Yes,… and you can thus enter his Dimension without entering at war with your basic structure.
She took the time to ask:
- It is what he said by his words: « I am not at war with the others, even if the others are at war with me »?
- Yes, it is that, confirmed the Master.
The young woman continued her daydream in her belly, the closed eyes on the existence of the world of appearances. She was looking for a track to follow, a track in her.
The Roshi left her all her time. He paid attention not to disturb her by his powerful breath capable to raise the earth and its mountains.
The wind rose, driving out the mists. The crests emerged in the sun already shining. They seemed gold on the head of the earth.
The songs of the birds of the brook gave their full. They were fighting for a piece of fish !
Then Heidi emerged from her interior silence. She says:
- What makes the difference between the Men, it is their structure, Isn't it?
- Yes, says the Master who tried to follow her step by step on her own track.
- Each one believes to be a particular being and is at war with the others?
- Because each one comes back again on the obviousness of his structure and considers that it is the only true one?
- Because he perceives that like an absolute obviousness in his body and his spirit?
- Yes… Absolute! … You touch there almost the bottom of the problem.
She was astonished by the remark of the Master.
- Almost? … However I touch in me the indispensability to relativize « everything » and to throw « absolute » out of me once and for all!
- But you cannot!
He continued his laughter looking her in the eyes.
- Because you have a body.
- This body is in direct relationship with the sensation.
- He analyzes and categorizes the sensation between « good and bad ».
Then she understood.
- And this analysis is made by the basic structure, isn’t it?
- Yes, it is that.
- It is also that which I feel in me, she says.
He still left her her time to touch deeper her knowledge registered in the cells of her body. Then she says:
- I perceive also another Force in me capable not to follow the sensation… only to perceive it!
- It is that.
- This force has the capacity to prevent the spirit of the structure from following and from being submitted to the sensation ?
- Yes, it is that.
She took again her time to say her words.
- That wants to say that the spirit of the body, the intelligence, limited of the structure, has the capacity to recognize itself as limited…
- It is that.
Then she becomes bolder.
- And to prevent itself from continuing its play which only pushes it to repeat the same old stories.
- Yes, it is that.
- Then it can stop the reflexes of the body…
- Yes, it is that.
- But it is impossible to stop the sensation or we are dead!
- You perceive well, he says.
The confirmation of the Master gave her wings in her imagination.
- However it is what one seeks to do in the « spiritual world »… To kill the sensations and natural perceptions of the body.
- It is exact… says the Master… You approach the truth… Continue.
- Then one makes « dead people »… and it is this death which one calls spirituality!
- Yes, it is that, confirms the Master.
Heidi took again her breath. He still left her her time. Then she opened the eyes and looked him straight in the face, without blinking.
He knew then that she had understood and he smiles to her, a little sad… A far smile which would like to disappear in the deep end of the Universe and to disappear.
- It is also that which is done in this monastery… she said gently detaching each word which sounded like the knell of dead people in the silence of the nights without moon.
- Yes, he says.
She did not turn an hair. Her glance was the one of the eagle which observes from the top of the mountain what occurs in the valley.
- It is that the combat between « You » and « Him »!
- Yes, he says… it is that.
She closed the look. The eyes became opaque. Then the brightness of the pupils returned and she says:
- But why the combat between « You » and me?
- Because you are full with my son… and that it is his Intelligence which wakes up the one darkened of the body by the structure.
- I am pregnant of him, Isn't it? … I feel it every night.
- Yes, because you really love him for Him and not only for You.
She remained alone one moment and says.
- Then why I am made trap by my structure? … as yesterday at the time of our meeting.
- Because you wait for something from outside, from the others… and that you analyze according to the comfort of your obviousness.
She understood and did not understand. So she asked.
- But how can I analyze thus if I am full with Him?
- Because you cease to look at Him when you pay attention to your sensations and needs…
- Then the door is opened and the robber can come in!
- It is exactly that, he says… You fill me with wonder, small woman of the mountains of the north!
- Me, I do not filled me with wonder! … I feel terrible to still peeling my sensations, emotions and analyzing them after having received already so much!
- It is honest to say that.
This remark did not satisfy her.
- Then, how can I do?
The old man remained a long moment in his silence. He let the true words going up from his belly because only these one can give an answer which stirs up.
- You just have Confidence and Love in him to support you.
Then she was on the crucial question and he let again the true words going up.
- Because the body is not built by the Creation to leave this prison, he says.
She continued for him.
- But to produce a lot of energy for Creation! … Now I understand what my Angel said!
She jumped on her feet and, descending the steps of the small platform, she did few steps of dance of her village. Her heart was beating wildly! She understood with her body the uselessness of this combat! She ceased fighting! She said it in all the steps of her dance which became fast, flexible, undulating.
The Master looked at her steps with an extreme attention. He did not discover any fault making it possible for the spirit to engulf itself in this space.
Him also, his heart jumped of joy. He had succeeded in preparing her for his son!
- What swindle, she howled at each jump… What swindle is the life and Creation… Buddha is not good! … God is not good! …
- Yes, says the Master… But while entering thus the Knowledge of the working of the Universe, you become insane on the Earth of the Men… and you will be reached by the disease of despair!
- And I will become insane for all! …Won’t I?
- Yes, he says.
She danced even more quickly and in the swirl she says, she shouted, she howled:
- But I will be FREE!!!! … and I will not come back in this HELL!!!!! …. WWWWHHHHHAAAAAA!!!!!!!
Tong who was waiting for her on the veranda of the pavilion of the Young White heard this cry of a released she-wolf and he was afraid.
The old man admired her dance without fault. No possibility for the brain of analyzing and of capturing the movement. The complete attention told him the presence of his son inside her. This Intelligence of his son guided the movements of her body and thus her body ceased being Bam, but became the Force of Yam in action which needs the matter of Bam to exist in the movement of Creation.
But deep inside him, deep inside his body, well hidden behind his fine smile which went the lips up to the ears, there was a colossal suffering, an abyssal suffering of The One who knows the truth of Creation.
« Dance well now my daughter of the Mountains of the North. You are merry and happy in your body because you come to understand the mental handling of Creation and you feel released of your obligation to satisfy it in the reference marks that it has installed in your memory in order to handle you easily.
You feel free, my daughter of the North…
You feel free and your mental is happy in this liberation.
You know now the way that you must trace for your life to be released from your structure. It will be long, but you perceive the way and that is your hope. And your hope is joy. It is the one that you testify now…
But my daughter… When you understand that with your body, and not only with your brain and your mental, the pain will not be only colossal; it will be abyssal…
The body will suffer from this discovery because the body is not made to be released of this alienation, of this cosmic handling… It is made to be used as food for this mouth of the Universe which swallows everything…
Because thus Creation is…
And when your body discovers that after you will have pushed your spirit at the end of its mental release, the pain is so deep in your body that the impulse for living, for continuing to live will die out gradually… and you have the disease of despair!
… The latest possible, I hope!
I hope to be able to carry out you gently towards that so that you can join « my » son who is the Master of this Dimension making it possible to leave this prison of Creation… and to go back to « Nothing! »
My son, I would like so much to follow you and meet you again in this « Nothing »! … But I have still so much to do here! … At least it is what I believe… and I am not certain not to lie to me!
Then come back quickly, My son! … Come back to teach me this subtle manner to join this « Nothing »…
… I dealt too much with the Men and now I am addicted to them! …
Come back also for me, my son…
And during the coming time of your absence, I will deal with this small pest of the Mountains of the North… She will infect my monastery! … and I am looking forward in advance to this disease here…
May be that will move something in this motionless Universe which is swallowed on itself.
I wait for you, my son… I will lead this « pest » for you… »
The young woman did not catch anything on the body and the face of the old man who looked at her admiring and she was happy of this glance which supported her.
« You still have to learn a lot, my daughter! »
But the smile remained hung to his face and that sufficed for her.
Then all is well thus and each one is at his right place!
Back in the pavilion of « his » Angel she retook each expression of the Master and she says: « I feel »… and « I enlarged ».
The Force was uncoupled in her and she kissed the ground with her wet lips…
She loved the old man so lonely and who sought to love her but did not know too much how to do… Because she was certain that behind his structure of Master who still locks him up somewhere, he wanted to help her.
Also she left him his space, with his words and she followed him in the labyrinth of his knowledge.
Thanks to both of you, she says gently…To the Master, and to the son who is more than the Master…